For various reasons, I sometimes have to walk to work. Often on the journey, acquaintances will honk and yell at me as they drive right on by. Worse than this are people who later say, "I saw you on the way to work the other day." Well, why didn't you pick me the hell up? Just keep it to yourself if you ever pass me by. Allrighty, then.

I have just purchased an MP3 player in a futile attempt to stay in the loop, I suppose, though I don't think I have put a piece of music on it that is more recent than 10 years old. Some of the stuff I have on it I have had in each of the following formats: 8-track, vinyl, cassette, cd and now MP3.

So I'm walking to work today, and I'm wearing dress shoes with white athletic socks (over knee-high panty hose, long story). I'm smoking a cigarette and chewing gum at the same time. I can't keep the ear buds from falling out of my head for long due to my abnormally small ears. I am listening to Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush and even Simon and Garfunkel. I am aware that I am a colossal dork.

But I am listening to this music on my new MP3 player and it is a friendly and sunny day. I can't hear you honking at me. I can't help but walk in time to the tune with a newly springy step. I am a dork, and I feel like. . . I feel like a rock goddess.